I feel like I need another weekend before going back to the hospital tomorrow. I am very anxious. Tomorrow morning (Monday) I will actually be visiting patients-- and who knows what else. The afternoon is supposed to be new employee training, but the morning is going to be some of the real stuff. I will be meeting with my mentor (Jim) and learning as much as I can about my floor. Reading through my CPE Intern Handbook, this weekend, I found a section that basically said that there is no way that an intern can be trained for all of the different scenarios that are possible in the hospital-- instead, we just have to walk into the room and rely on what we know/ believe/ trust we can handle.
About 180 people die at Seton Medical Center every year. I have already received pages for "code blue" situations-- but I was not on duty. I have learned as much as I can (mainly the hospital layout) and now it is time to enter rooms, vulnerably, non-anxiously, and to listen to patients' stories. We are also there for nurses and doctors. My gut is in a knot... just thinking about it makes me start to sweat a little... metallic taste in mouth.
A prayer for Monday...
God, please don't let me throw up - at least not in front of my peers. Help me to know what to say-- and when I screw things up, help me to remove my foot from my mouth.
I ask you to walk with me down strange hallways, into darkened rooms and corridors, before your people who are hurt and sick, beside those you have called to be healers. I ask you to accompany me because I need the help--and because you have promised to be there. I will hold you to that promise. even though i am not worthy of this grace, nor pious, nor prepared-- even though i have failed to keep your commandments and squandered your gifts, I believe in your presence and love-- that will be the light showing safe passage. Gracious God, help me to listen to your words, and to your people's heartache-- help me to bring your peace. Strengthen my resolve. Pour your spirit into me. Fill me with vision and learning. Teach me your wisdom. You have overcome death-- help me not to fear it. You have extended your love to all of creation, help me to celebrate in it. Build your story within me-- mold me into something new. It is only in and through your presence in the world that I can ask such things-- in and through Jesus Christ, the shepherd that calls us to feed his sheep, to service, to love.
4 comments:
Your prayer brought tears to my eyes. The Holy Spirit dwells in you ... and that is of GREAT comfort in times when all we can do is moan and goan out to God for help. The Spirit interceeds for us.
I'll be praying for you during the day.
I love you.
david, if the heart you just shared is walking into the room with you, i am confident through our Lord that you will be exactly what they need...i would want you to be at my side :)
With the prayer that you have posted, you show that although you may not believe in your own abilities, God has blessed you in abundance with a heart for others. David my friend, you have a peaceful presence that is calming to others who are around you. Blessings to you on this first day in the midst of the messiness of the lives of others.
Thanks y'all. The day went really well. I made 3 visits this morning and then went to training for the afternoon. Thinking about entering the rooms is really more difficult than just going in.
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