Healing

“Luminous beings are we...not this crude matter.”

“Real health, from a Christian point of view, is coming to the fullness of your vocation as a child of God. It means becoming Christ-like.”

How much does what we believe affect the world around us. If we believe we can feed the five thousand, will it surprise us if we really do? If we believe that we can change who we are- can we (with the help of God)? If we believe we can heal the sick, can we?

What does it mean to be healed? Am I made up of hardware running on some software- and nothing else or am I a flicker of light, reflecting some infinite and incorruptible truth? Am I a little of both? When I dream, am I any less real than when I am awake?

So the question becomes a matter of mechanics, a matter of metaphysics and a leap of faith- that what we really have is a relationship and not just a delusional thought projected onto a canvas that we can put our minds around, identify and box up like a complex logarithm Can prayer really heal a sick body (if we think it can) - surely yes. Can a prayer really heal a sick soul (think yes!) – surely yes. Can a prayer fill in the gaps that we are struggling with? - Because we are not in control, but it is God that has the final say.

When we are talking about broken loaves of bread- we are very much interested in the body. We want the nourishment the bread can give. We hunger for the one thing that can fill us. We look at the material, sometimes the symbolic – and sometimes the message. If we equate the hunger to pain- then what is the message here. “You give them something to eat.” If we are in pain- we should … If we are hungry we should eat- and we should give others something to eat. If we are in pain we should be comforted and we should try to comfort others. Is that the message? Does it matter how little we start out with? A nuclear explosion begins with the splitting of a single atom, which starts a chain reaction. Why did they need to see how much bread there was? Is the lesson that there are no bounds? A blessing has no bounds, miracles no formula. Wonder has no quencher- only misdirection...maybe just "new" direction.

“He divided among them all.” Not just to the smart ones, or the righteous ones, or to the pretty ones. He divided them among the ones that understood the question and the ones that didn’t. He believed.

Modern physics holds some new theories about how the universe is put together. One of the ideas that I find most interesting is that the expectations of the observer may have an affect on the outcome of any given experiment. If the scientist believes that the particle will be at location X- the particle has a greater chance of appearing at location X.

When we pray for healing- we are in communication with the creator. Who better to ask to fix something. I think that God always has the ability to just “fix it.” Sometimes God does and sometimes God doesn’t. There has to be other factors in play. What purpose would it serve to fix it and let us break it again? In a universe where we believe in life eternal- what is the fascination with life temporal? We starve for something that we can not have in the room we have walked into. We can smell the delicious dish in the next room- from time to time the door cracks open enough for us to get a glimpse of the banquet to come. Try as we might, we can not grasp the thing. We can go crazy trying to find a way into the other room or we can enjoy our bittersweet surrender. We can call others to enjoy in the wait. We can talk about it and ask to be let into the next room- but no good wine will be served before its time. We have to behave like grownups to be allowed at the grown-up table. We can not throw our bread on the floor and shake our sippy cup. We have to behave like the children of God to be treated like the children of God. We have to believe that God will take care of us, and live like it if we want to be something other than rotten children. We must not let the rot spread- but treat it as the disease we are trying to cure. When we pray for someone to be healed- we must pray for the person to be healed, not for the disease to be cured.

We have healers within our midst. We have those who can see the problem. We have believers- and we must allow their inner light to shine.

I wonder what will be. I want to believe recklessly. I want to pray for it all to be healed- and for me to be an instrument of healing.

A post is a post

Don't really feel like writing anything. I'm tired but not sleepy. Being "present" to hospital patients takes more out of me than I thought it would. I really need to focus on pacing myself.

I don't know much about praying the rosary, but I intend to learn. In a population where a majority of church goers are Spanish speaking catholics, it may be good to know it in Espanol tambien.

Being a protestant- I may sub something for the "Hail Mary" in my own practice.

It was a busy night...and a busy end to the week

Now all I want to do is rest. Tomorrow Leigh and I are celebrating our 6th anniversary!




ps. A word to the wise... whenever you are in an environment where half the people you will talk with are wearing hospital gowns- MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT!

ps. I am currently on call and hoping for a quiet night

To work through peaceful means

Two years ago, Leigh and I visited the US Holocaust Memorial Museum in DC. Pictured with me are Prebyterian Ministers, Brian and Michelle W. (Leigh took the picture.) The museum has a great exhibit on the continuing threat of antisemitism.

What brings this to mind...

From the PCUSA General Assembly...
Item: 11-01

Content: On Rescinding and Modifying Certain Actions of the 216th General Assembly (2004) Regarding the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Creation Date: 3/16/2006 1:33:59 PM

AssemblyYear: 2006

Type: For Plenary Action

Committee: Peacemaking and International Issues (11)

Concurrences: 5

Comments: 4

Item URL: http://les-pcusa.org/Item.aspx?IID=90&

Assembly Action

Assembly Action The Assembly rejected two attempts to amend the recommendation and then adopted the Committee’s recommendation to answer this item with the following alternate resolution and with comment (by a vote of 483/28/1).

Committee Recommendation

On Item 11-01, the Peacemaking and International Issues Committee voted as follows: Motion was carried by a Counted vote.
- Affirmative:53
- Negative:6
- Abstention:3

The committee hereby recommends in response to this recommendation, that the 217th General Assembly (2006) approve the following alternate reslution and comment:

Comment

After careful consideration of the overtures brought before the Assembly Committee on Peacemaking and International Issues of the 217th General Assembly (2006), we offer the following recommendations.

1. We acknowledge that the actions of the 216th General Assembly (2004) caused hurt and misunderstanding among many members of the Jewish community and within our Presbyterian communion. We are grieved by the pain that this has caused, accept responsibility for the flaws in our process, and ask for a new season of mutual understanding and dialogue.

To these ends, we replace the instructions expressed in Item 12-01 (Minutes, 2004 Part I, pp. 64–66) Recommendation 7, which reads

“7. Refers to Mission Responsibility Through Investment Committee (MRTI) with instructions to initiate a process of phased selective divestment in multinational corporations operating in Israel, in accordance to General Assembly policy on social investing, and to make appropriate recommendations to the General Assembly Council for action.”

with the following:

“7. To urge that financial investments of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), as they pertain to Israel, Gaza, East Jerusalem, and the West Bank, be invested in only peaceful pursuits, and affirm that the customary corporate engagement process of the Committee on Mission Responsibility Through Investments of our denomination is the proper vehicle for achieving this goal.”

2. Direct Mission Responsibility Through Investment (MRTI) to ensure that its strategies for engaging corporations with regard to Israeli and Palestinian territories

a. Reflect the application of fundamental principles of justice and peace common to Christianity, Islam, and Judaism that are appropriate to the practical realities of Israeli and Palestinian societies.

b. Reflect commitment to positive outcomes.

c. Reflect awareness of potential impact upon the stability, future viability, and prosperity of both the Israeli and Palestinian economies.

d. Identify affirmative investment opportunities as they pertain to Israel, Gaza, East Jerusalem, and the West Bank.

3. We call upon the church:

a. To work through peaceful means with American and Israeli Jewish, American and Palestinian Muslim, and Palestinian Christian communities and their affiliated organizations for an end to all violence and terror against Palestinian and Israeli civilians.

b. To work through peaceful means with American and Israeli Jewish, American and Palestinian Muslim, and Palestinian Christian communities and their affiliated organizations to end the occupation.

c. To work through peaceful means with American and Israeli Jewish, American and Palestinian Muslim, and Palestinian Christian communities and their affiliated organizations towards the creation of a socially, economically, geographically, and politically viable and secure Palestinian state, alongside an equally viable and secure Israeli state, both of which have a right to exist.

d. To encourage and celebrate efforts by individual Presbyterians, congregations, and judicatories of our church to communicate directly and regularly with Jewish, Christian, and Muslim communities, sponsor programs likely to improve relations among Christians, Jews, and Muslims, and engage in peacemaking in the Middle East.

4. The 217th General Assembly (2006) does not believe that the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) should tell a sovereign nation whether it can protect its borders or handle matters of national defense. The problem with the security wall, in 2004 and presently, is its location. The 217th General Assembly (2006) supports fair criticism of the security wall insofar as it illegally encroaches into the Palestinian territory and fails to follow the legally recognized borders of Israel since 1967 demarcated by the Green Line. To the extent that the security barrier violates Palestinian land that was not part of Israel prior to the 1967 war, the barrier should be dismantled and relocated.

5. Recognizing that the situation on the ground in the Israel-Palestine area is rapidly changing, the General Assembly Council (GAC) is directed to carefully monitor ongoing developments of the situation in the Middle East and to examine the polices of the PC(USA) related to the Middle East, in order to make a comprehensive report to the 218th General Assembly (2008).

6. Instructs the Stated Clerk to communicate Recommendations 1. through 5. above to the United States’ president, vice president, secretary of state, and members of Congress; to Israeli and Palestinian leaders in the Middle East; to the membership of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.); to leadership of Christian, Jewish, and Muslim faith bodies and denominations in the United States and the Middle East with whom we are in communication.

Comment: The Assembly received twenty-six overtures pertaining to the Middle East. The recommendation is the result of the General Assembly’s honest and sincere effort to address the issues and concerns that appeared in the overtures in a comprehensive and concise document.

Life, death, laughter, tears, hope, fear...computers?

The past week has been a real rollercoaster ride of emotion and experience. The most frustrating part, by far, has been the computer training that the summer interns are undergoing. There will be more tomorrow; I can hardly wait:( Tomorrow I will also be on call-- so my workday will stretch from 8:00 Wednesday to 8:00 Thursday. I am praying for the strength and energy to be an effective pastoral presence (if I am called in.)

I may have said it before, but here it is again... There are so many family dynamics at work in any situation I may walk into. There is no way to "prepare" but rooms must be walked into with the faith that you are prepared.

The funny thing is that the simple presence of a "chaplain" changes the feel of a room, hallway, or nurse's station. "Chaplain" seems to be a magic word. I find it amazing how many times I have heard the following: "Thank God, the chaplain is here." "We need to call the chaplain." "The chaplain is here for the family..."

I just got a page...I am not on call but my thoughts are with my fellow intern as he answers this call. A prayer for chaplains on call...

Holy, Holy, Holy,
Lord God almighty
be with your servant
and lend your spirit
to touch the hearts of those in trouble.
For being in your presence
heals all.
Holy, Holy, Holy,
Lord God almighty
Father, Son and Spirit
Please, please, please...
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I had a great day

Today I was pampered with breakfast migas from Trudy's, Smartwool Socks, a new tie, church with the family, a new pair of Chacos, too much barbeque at the County Line, a new T-shirt (pictured), a monkey finger puppet from Toy Joy, and a 3 hour nap. The best part was definately hanging out with the family.

A Zen Story

One day while walking through the jungle a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice. As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine. Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. How sweet it was!

History by committee, doctrine by interpretation

Πιστεύομεν εἰς ἕνα Θεόν, Πατέρα, Παντοκράτορα, ποιητὴν οὐρανοῦ καὶ γῆς, ὁρατῶν τε πάντων καὶ ἀοράτων.

Καὶ εἰς ἕνα Κύριον Ἰησοῦν Χριστόν, τὸν Υἱὸν τοῦ Θεοῦ τὸν μονογενῆ, τὸν ἐκ τοῦ Πατρὸς γεννηθέντα πρὸ πάντων τῶν αἰώνων·
φῶς ἐκ φωτός, Θεὸν ἀληθινὸν ἐκ Θεοῦ ἀληθινοῦ, γεννηθέντα οὐ ποιηθέντα, ὁμοούσιον τῷ Πατρί, δι' οὗ τὰ πάντα ἐγένετο.
Τoν δι' ἡμᾶς τοὺς ἀνθρώπους καὶ διὰ τὴν ἡμετέραν σωτηρίαν κατελθόντα ἐκ τῶν οὐρανῶν καὶ σαρκωθέντα
ἐκ Πνεύματος Ἁγίου καὶ Μαρίας τῆς Παρθένου καὶ ἐνανθρωπήσαντα.
Σταυρωθέντα τε ὑπὲρ ἡμῶν ἐπὶ Ποντίου Πιλάτου, καὶ παθόντα καὶ ταφέντα.
Καὶ ἀναστάντα τῇ τρίτῃ ἡμέρα κατὰ τὰς Γραφάς.
Καὶ ἀνελθόντα εἰς τοὺς οὐρανοὺς καὶ καθεζόμενον ἐκ δεξιῶν τοῦ Πατρός.
Καὶ πάλιν ἐρχόμενον μετὰ δόξης κρῖναι ζῶντας καὶ νεκρούς, οὗ τῆς βασιλείας οὐκ ἔσται τέλος.

Καὶ εἰς τὸ Πνεῦμα τὸ Ἅγιον, τὸ κύριον, τὸ ζωοποιόν,
τὸ ἐκ τοῦ Πατρὸς ἐκπορευόμενον,
τὸ σὺν Πατρὶ καὶ Υἱῷ συμπροσκυνούμενον καὶ συνδοξαζόμενον,
τὸ λαλῆσαν διὰ τῶν προφητῶν.
Εἰς μίαν, Ἁγίαν, Καθολικὴν καὶ Ἀποστολικὴν Ἐκκλησίαν.
Ὁμολογῶ ἓν βάπτισμα εἰς ἄφεσιν ἁμαρτιῶν.
Προσδοκῶ ἀνάστασιν νεκρῶν.
Καὶ ζωὴν τοῦ μέλλοντος αἰῶνος.
Ἀμήν.

I survived my first night on call

I did not, however, get much sleep. I took five calls throughout the night. I am called in when there is a code blue or a major catastrophy. No major catastrophys last night. Now I am going back in for a couple of hours. Four o'clock can not come soon enough.

Lucid Dreams

If God is just dreaming all of this stuff (creation, existence, the cosmos, you, me, etc.), does it make it any less real? Have you ever had a dream within a dream? What's up with that? How many levels of reality can there be?

Last night I had one of those "preaching nightmare" dreams where I was supposed to preach on a specific text-- only I had no notes, clue of what was normal practice at this very unusual church, nor did I have the ability to focus on the task at hand. All I had was the citation of scripture to be used: Matthew 4:5 and following. Upon waking, I looked it up...

Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple,
saying to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, 'He will command his angels concerning you,' and 'On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.'"
Jesus said to him, "Again it is written, 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor;
and he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me."
Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! for it is written, 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.'"
Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.

...very sober start to this morning. Just what I needed before doing the chaplain thing on my own-- there are so many opportunities to run, to be there but not really be present. The challenge is to remain true to who you are-- to not sell out.

Gregarious

Today the chaplain interns and the chaplain residents went on a "retreat" to the house on the hill. We ate well. There was a great view. I don't feel like something is really a retreat unless at least half the time is unstructured. That being said, it was really just more work.

On the way out there, I passed this flock of pink flamingos that were standing perfectly still on the side of the road. They reminded me of the many ways we define an organism--a flock being a multi-bodied organism, much like a church. It is both a single body and a multi-body entity.

That is kind of how chaplain services seem to work in the Seton Family of Hospitals. Get a bunch of chaplains into a room and it is hard to know how the spirit will move you-- this can be both good and bad.

Mountains come in many disguises

When I was fourteen I spent two weeks in the backcountry of northern New Mexico hiking over rocky paths, carrying an overstuffed pack with my portion of the crew’s food and supplies. I had seen mountains before but I had never “lived” with mountains before. They quickly became our silent companions. In the evenings, we would seek the valleys between these sleeping giants to make our camp. Warmly bundled in our cocoons we would sleep the solid and refreshing sleep that is the reward for a day’s hard labor. In the morning, we would awake eager to experience what the day would bring. The pinnacle of that experience for me was always about spending time at the summit. The goal was clear—when we could go no higher, we could not only look back over the paths we had traversed but also look forward to the path ahead.

The mountain top is a unique experience. All of the worldly things we carry with us through life seem to loose their value in the upper elevations. Books, credit cards, cell phones, internet connections—these all seem utterly ridiculous at the zenith. I do recall, however, thinking seriously about how I had been behaving toward my crew, especially as I peered over a precipice. There is certainly a sense of vulnerability there on the mountain, an exposure no tent can dismiss. There in the open, we are vulnerable, but it is more to the things from above than from the things from below.

In Luke we read about the transfiguration of Jesus, taking place on a mountain top. Peter, John and James accompany Jesus in this journey intended to be a type of prayer retreat. There, next to the rocky brink, Moses and Elijah suddenly appear. They just kind of drop in to talk to Jesus! The official “Law” and “Prophet” figures meet with Jesus to discuss the way ahead. Peter offers to set up three shelters but doesn’t realize the hierarchical problems this may create. The clouds roll in. A voice booms “This is my Son, my chosen; listen to him.” God has made the way clear—Jesus is the only one left to follow off the mountain. He appears to have changed, but hopefully, so have we.

Lord, we pray for your guidance,

we pray for your presence,

and we pray for your peace. Amen.

Monday Monday, Can't help that day...

I feel like I need another weekend before going back to the hospital tomorrow. I am very anxious. Tomorrow morning (Monday) I will actually be visiting patients-- and who knows what else. The afternoon is supposed to be new employee training, but the morning is going to be some of the real stuff. I will be meeting with my mentor (Jim) and learning as much as I can about my floor. Reading through my CPE Intern Handbook, this weekend, I found a section that basically said that there is no way that an intern can be trained for all of the different scenarios that are possible in the hospital-- instead, we just have to walk into the room and rely on what we know/ believe/ trust we can handle.

About 180 people die at Seton Medical Center every year. I have already received pages for "code blue" situations-- but I was not on duty. I have learned as much as I can (mainly the hospital layout) and now it is time to enter rooms, vulnerably, non-anxiously, and to listen to patients' stories. We are also there for nurses and doctors. My gut is in a knot... just thinking about it makes me start to sweat a little... metallic taste in mouth.

A prayer for Monday...

God, please don't let me throw up - at least not in front of my peers. Help me to know what to say-- and when I screw things up, help me to remove my foot from my mouth.
I ask you to walk with me down strange hallways, into darkened rooms and corridors, before your people who are hurt and sick, beside those you have called to be healers. I ask you to accompany me because I need the help--and because you have promised to be there. I will hold you to that promise. even though i am not worthy of this grace, nor pious, nor prepared-- even though i have failed to keep your commandments and squandered your gifts, I believe in your presence and love-- that will be the light showing safe passage. Gracious God, help me to listen to your words, and to your people's heartache-- help me to bring your peace. Strengthen my resolve. Pour your spirit into me. Fill me with vision and learning. Teach me your wisdom. You have overcome death-- help me not to fear it. You have extended your love to all of creation, help me to celebrate in it. Build your story within me-- mold me into something new. It is only in and through your presence in the world that I can ask such things-- in and through Jesus Christ, the shepherd that calls us to feed his sheep, to service, to love.

My feet hurt

6 hospitals in 3 days...
I have been assigned the Cardiology Unit at Seton Medical center, but I will be "on call" at all of the hospitals within the system (one day a week). CPE is definately intensive, both physically and emotionally. I am glad it is the weekend.

CPE, Day 2

Today we toured Seton Medical center after 4 hours of morning workshops on record keeping, death protocols, and basic entry and exit stratagies. Seton Medical Center will be where I will spend the majority of my time. This is also the hospital where I had surgery a year ago, and where we welcomed our daughter into the world six months ago. I think that I will enjoy being there. Today I visited with seminary friends that were in the process of welcoming their son into the world.

Tomorrow we are touring Brackenridge hospital (the hospital where my brother died 7 years ago). Tonight, my dad and I went up there to walk the halls before I have to show up for "work". It has changed a lot in the past 7 years--I hardly reognized the place.

On a completely different note, we are suffering a different kind of loss tonight. Someone had a pen explode in the community dryer--totally undetectable to subsequent users. I guess I was the next person to use it--and now a whole load of laundry is ruined.

I don't like doing laundry in the first place... but to do it, and have it come out dirtier than it went in is just plain evil.

Can "speckeled" clothes be the new "acid-washed"?-- it would really help us out.


What is really sad is that these were the best of our wash & wear wardrobe--I guess this weekend we will be going on shopping spree!

Happy Birthday Leigh and .5 BD PP

Happy 29 years Leigh. I am so glad to have shared the past 8 with you. Love, nmw!

Happy half birthday Pink princess. We love you.

CPE, day 1

Today we were issued 10 lbs. binders (student handbooks) with enough bedtime reading for the whole summer. We toured 3 (of the 5) hospital locations that we will serve when we are "on call", were issued pagers, laptop computers (some of the hospitals in the system are going "paperless" so we need to learn the new system), and keys to elevators, floors, chapels and classrooms. I am tired. More tomorrow.

CPE begins tomorrow

CPE (or Clinical Pastoral Education--for you non-seminary types) begins tomorrow morning at 8:00 am. This is basically an intensive internship at Seton Hospital. There will be seven of us--at two hospitals. CPE is required by my presbytery but I am also looking forward to the experience.