Remembering Austin: Part 2

We waited... John showed up. We waited. At about 3:00 my uncle, Josiah, showed up. At about 3:30 in the morning, Mom and Rachel came running into the waiting room. As a family, we went to say our goodbyes.

There was a long hallway, every step difficult. We entered the room. There was a rubber-band in the middle of the floor. Next to it, a drop of blood. In the bed, a body. Machines whirling... and beeping. His chest would rise and fall.

There was a head wrapped in gauze--so tightly wrapped that there was little sign of the destruction beneath. Not really much to see there- just a head wrapped in gauze. There was a heated blanket--maintaining a constant body temperature. And then, I saw his hands. Those are my brother's hands.............hands are more unique, person to person, than I ever realized. Where is his ring? He always wore that ring. Surely the hospital has it somewhere. Definitely his hands. I recognize that finger...(I can id my brother by looking a 1 finger?)... that finger that got smashed at some point, and still carried the scar.

We said goodbye.

My Dad turned on his cell phone at about 6:00 that morning. He was at the airport 30 minutes later, and at the hospital in under two hours. (That was probably the only time in my life that I was not happy to see my dad.) I couldn't go back a second time. I had said my goodbye.

At some point, the body has to sleep, or at least try to. I think I tried a lot over the next week-- I wasn't very successful. I ended up seeing a doctor for some sleep aids. In addition, I felt like I was constantly going to vomit.

Over the next year, I saw a counselor (monthly) through the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center. I am a firm believer in this ministry. They understood in ways that I did not have the vocabulary to express.

Now, seven years later, I still hurt. I still miss my brother. That will never change. But I am also able to recall the joy of life and the partnerships we had-- and in some respect, he still lives (actively) in me. Looking in the mirror reminds me, that we are all a family-- we are more similar than we know.

The Easter message is that life has overcome death, that sin has no power over love. Grace abounds.

Life is more than we think it is; "it is not this crude matter" (to quote Yoda.) It is about relationships, and love, and pain, and perseverance-- I remember Austin, alive.