A binary branching fractal

Every step is both binary and triune at the same time. I imagine a God who also keeps track of all of our possibilities. The result would therefore be alternate realities... because a God imagined alternate journey would be as real...as long as it exists in the mind of God. (Sidebar: Does existance depend on an effort from God, and if so...could God "close God's eyes" and make us all dissapear and then "open" them to bring us back into existance at the same instant/circumstance that we dissapeared?)

The theory I am kicking around is that someone who dies, turns right...when the rest of us turn left...in their world, they may still be walking with us...growing closer to God...living into new realities and forgetting the old...which would mean there would be an infinate number of parallel universes......
"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done... on earth as it is in heaven."

I know how Angela Lansbury must feel...

The past few days have been rough. I am tired of seeing dead people. Will all of y'all do me a favor and quit kicking the bucket! Really, I don't mind... I would enjoy it if more of you would miraculously recover...

...theology is a lot messier in the real world than it is in seminary...Calvin/reformed tradition is a discipline that may inform regular practice-- but is it viable for flesh and blood encounters? I tend to use "club" theology... I pick up the biggest chunk of grace I can find and beat the hell out of the situation with it. It isn't surgery-- it is primal bludgeoning. It gets the job done...although it may not really be all that pretty.

A Strange Loop

Studying for the PCUSA ords... contemplating the self-referential language of the Trinity. Introspective Theology and paradox... "this statement is false"... "I believe that the existance of the classical "path" can be pregnantly formulated as follows: The "path" comes into existance where we observe it."

Emergency Baptism

...there shouldn't be emergency baptisms...then again, there shouldn't be infants dying in their parents arms...sometimes you do the wrong thing for the right reasons...theology, in such circumstances, is like trying to fight a dragon with marshmallows...I remind you now of these words of comfort:




Hear the words of our Lord Jesus Christ: (Matt. 28:18-20)
All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father,
and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,
and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you.
And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

Hear also these words from Holy Scripture: (Eph. 4:4-6)
There is one body and one Spirit,
just as you were called
to the one hope of your calling,
one Lord, one faith, one baptism,
one God and Father of all,
who is above all and through all and in all.

Obeying the word of our Lord Jesus,
and confident of his promises,
we baptize those whom God has called.

In baptism God claims us,
and seals us to show that we belong to God.
God frees us from sin and death,
uniting us with Jesus Christ in his death and resurrection.
By water and the Holy Spirit,
we are made members of the church, the body of Christ,
and joined to Christ's ministry of love, peace, and justice.

Baptism is serious business...deadly serious. I thank God for this sacrament and the power it had to heal our spirits in the wee hours of Tuesday morning.

Mid unit lessons

1. Myself as a pastor: I am learning that my theology, denominational background, and family history have a profound effect on my experience and practice of being a pastor. That being said, I have found that I also have the ability to adapt to the different situations and theologies that are present in the clinical environment. This ability to adapt to the situation was something that I had not really considered prior to the CPE experience—but has become an enjoyable aspect of the job. Likewise, I have been surprised that I am comfortable entering into a number of situations that I had expected to be sources of anxiety.

I have found that prayer and worship have been the most powerful tools in my daily life of a CPE Chaplain. Self care has been an important aspect of the experience as well. I feel that areas I still need to work on include: time management, relating more to healthcare staff, active listening and appropriate response, engagement with individuals that do not have a strong faith tradition, and finding a healthy balance between ardor and order.

2. Myself as a person: I have learned that, as a person, I sometimes shirk away from confrontation. I often try to mediate conversations and come up with an appropriate solution to problems—sometimes when this is not my assigned role. I like to see some sort of progress being made in any situation—and I feel that I sometimes prohibit the expression of feelings and concerns that are legitimate emotional responses from others by trying to problem solve. I like organization and become frustrated when there is a serious lack thereof—but I have also learned that there is no way to “organize” a large portion of the CPE learning experience; some things must be learned by heart. I have also been reminded that I appreciate direction and critique that is short and to the point.

3. Peer observations (and at the same time these are introspective observations into my own ministry--hence the "DS" throughout):

DS has a strong pastoral presence and is comfortable expressing his faith in theological language. He is a thoughtful and caring CPE chaplain who is approachable and dedicated. He could probably benefit by verbalizing his thoughts and feelings more often, to the group.

DS brings valuable experience and knowledge to the CPE experience. He is a good listener and provides good feedback to the CPE students. DS has a good sense of what is important in the summer CPE experience and what is important to pastoral ministry in general. He could benefit by becoming more knowledgeable about the Seton Healthcare Network.

People seem to naturally open up to DS. He is a nurturing and trustworthy CPE chaplain who makes time for his patients. DS is a good listener who has a strong pastoral presence and who seems to have a affinity to some aspects of Liberation Theology. He could probably benefit by finding ways to be more comfortable using theological language in the pastoral setting.

DS is personable and caring towards his peers and towards his patients. Already this summer, he has been a peaceful presence to several families during times of crisis. His outgoing personality and well formed theology have served him well in both ordinary patient visits and those he has performed while on call. He contributes to the group’s dynamics by addressing thoughts and ideas straightforwardly. DS is a level headed CPE chaplain who is both pastoral and approachable. DS could probably benefit by exploring some of the insights he gained into his role as a pastor among hospital staff and CPE peers—especially reflecting on the differences he experienced wearing a collar as opposed to street clothes. For the benefit of the group, he could also articulate more of his theological understandings during those times when he feels the theology of his faith tradition may differ significantly from that of other members of the group.

DS is a thoughtful and considerate CPE chaplain who has made conscious improvements to his active listening skills during the first half of this summer unit. He is quick to notice and identify major issues related to group dynamics and interpersonal relationships. He is easily approachable and appears comfortable in most settings (whether he is or not). He gets along well with both his peers and supervisors. DS has taken time out of each day to pray for his patients. He could probably benefit by utilizing his denomination’s prayer books, etc. For the benefit of the group, he could practice verbalizing his thoughts on the group’s dynamics in a fashion that prompts a greater depth of discussion.

DS is a warm and contemplative CPE chaplain who conveys a peaceful presence. He has strong communication skills and the ability to tell a good story. DS is an excellent listener and a deep thinker. He could probably benefit by getting in touch with his feelings—and by not always being so cerebral.

DS is a very capable and disciplined CPE chaplain who has a strong sense of sacramental theology. He expresses his feelings and thoughts openly and sincerely. His theological training shows forth in his pastoral practice as well as in his daily devotion. DS seems to have the ability to provide spiritual guidance to individuals from diverse backgrounds. He approaches the CPE chaplain experience with passion and energy that is refreshing and motivating. He could probably benefit by identifying “thinking out loud” as such, and by continuing to contemplate the “hard questions” that impact his ministry.

A Great Feeling

...when a patient I have been visiting with for weeks is released from the hospital.
...when my daughter gets excited to see me when I arrive to pick her up from daycare.
...when the words come easy.
...when my wife looks at me and smiles.
...when everything falls into place...like Juan Diego's roses.

I am a white piece of paper

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Healing

“Luminous beings are we...not this crude matter.”

“Real health, from a Christian point of view, is coming to the fullness of your vocation as a child of God. It means becoming Christ-like.”

How much does what we believe affect the world around us. If we believe we can feed the five thousand, will it surprise us if we really do? If we believe that we can change who we are- can we (with the help of God)? If we believe we can heal the sick, can we?

What does it mean to be healed? Am I made up of hardware running on some software- and nothing else or am I a flicker of light, reflecting some infinite and incorruptible truth? Am I a little of both? When I dream, am I any less real than when I am awake?

So the question becomes a matter of mechanics, a matter of metaphysics and a leap of faith- that what we really have is a relationship and not just a delusional thought projected onto a canvas that we can put our minds around, identify and box up like a complex logarithm Can prayer really heal a sick body (if we think it can) - surely yes. Can a prayer really heal a sick soul (think yes!) – surely yes. Can a prayer fill in the gaps that we are struggling with? - Because we are not in control, but it is God that has the final say.

When we are talking about broken loaves of bread- we are very much interested in the body. We want the nourishment the bread can give. We hunger for the one thing that can fill us. We look at the material, sometimes the symbolic – and sometimes the message. If we equate the hunger to pain- then what is the message here. “You give them something to eat.” If we are in pain- we should … If we are hungry we should eat- and we should give others something to eat. If we are in pain we should be comforted and we should try to comfort others. Is that the message? Does it matter how little we start out with? A nuclear explosion begins with the splitting of a single atom, which starts a chain reaction. Why did they need to see how much bread there was? Is the lesson that there are no bounds? A blessing has no bounds, miracles no formula. Wonder has no quencher- only misdirection...maybe just "new" direction.

“He divided among them all.” Not just to the smart ones, or the righteous ones, or to the pretty ones. He divided them among the ones that understood the question and the ones that didn’t. He believed.

Modern physics holds some new theories about how the universe is put together. One of the ideas that I find most interesting is that the expectations of the observer may have an affect on the outcome of any given experiment. If the scientist believes that the particle will be at location X- the particle has a greater chance of appearing at location X.

When we pray for healing- we are in communication with the creator. Who better to ask to fix something. I think that God always has the ability to just “fix it.” Sometimes God does and sometimes God doesn’t. There has to be other factors in play. What purpose would it serve to fix it and let us break it again? In a universe where we believe in life eternal- what is the fascination with life temporal? We starve for something that we can not have in the room we have walked into. We can smell the delicious dish in the next room- from time to time the door cracks open enough for us to get a glimpse of the banquet to come. Try as we might, we can not grasp the thing. We can go crazy trying to find a way into the other room or we can enjoy our bittersweet surrender. We can call others to enjoy in the wait. We can talk about it and ask to be let into the next room- but no good wine will be served before its time. We have to behave like grownups to be allowed at the grown-up table. We can not throw our bread on the floor and shake our sippy cup. We have to behave like the children of God to be treated like the children of God. We have to believe that God will take care of us, and live like it if we want to be something other than rotten children. We must not let the rot spread- but treat it as the disease we are trying to cure. When we pray for someone to be healed- we must pray for the person to be healed, not for the disease to be cured.

We have healers within our midst. We have those who can see the problem. We have believers- and we must allow their inner light to shine.

I wonder what will be. I want to believe recklessly. I want to pray for it all to be healed- and for me to be an instrument of healing.

A post is a post

Don't really feel like writing anything. I'm tired but not sleepy. Being "present" to hospital patients takes more out of me than I thought it would. I really need to focus on pacing myself.

I don't know much about praying the rosary, but I intend to learn. In a population where a majority of church goers are Spanish speaking catholics, it may be good to know it in Espanol tambien.

Being a protestant- I may sub something for the "Hail Mary" in my own practice.

It was a busy night...and a busy end to the week

Now all I want to do is rest. Tomorrow Leigh and I are celebrating our 6th anniversary!




ps. A word to the wise... whenever you are in an environment where half the people you will talk with are wearing hospital gowns- MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT!

ps. I am currently on call and hoping for a quiet night

To work through peaceful means

Two years ago, Leigh and I visited the US Holocaust Memorial Museum in DC. Pictured with me are Prebyterian Ministers, Brian and Michelle W. (Leigh took the picture.) The museum has a great exhibit on the continuing threat of antisemitism.

What brings this to mind...

From the PCUSA General Assembly...
Item: 11-01

Content: On Rescinding and Modifying Certain Actions of the 216th General Assembly (2004) Regarding the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Creation Date: 3/16/2006 1:33:59 PM

AssemblyYear: 2006

Type: For Plenary Action

Committee: Peacemaking and International Issues (11)

Concurrences: 5

Comments: 4

Item URL: http://les-pcusa.org/Item.aspx?IID=90&

Assembly Action

Assembly Action The Assembly rejected two attempts to amend the recommendation and then adopted the Committee’s recommendation to answer this item with the following alternate resolution and with comment (by a vote of 483/28/1).

Committee Recommendation

On Item 11-01, the Peacemaking and International Issues Committee voted as follows: Motion was carried by a Counted vote.
- Affirmative:53
- Negative:6
- Abstention:3

The committee hereby recommends in response to this recommendation, that the 217th General Assembly (2006) approve the following alternate reslution and comment:

Comment

After careful consideration of the overtures brought before the Assembly Committee on Peacemaking and International Issues of the 217th General Assembly (2006), we offer the following recommendations.

1. We acknowledge that the actions of the 216th General Assembly (2004) caused hurt and misunderstanding among many members of the Jewish community and within our Presbyterian communion. We are grieved by the pain that this has caused, accept responsibility for the flaws in our process, and ask for a new season of mutual understanding and dialogue.

To these ends, we replace the instructions expressed in Item 12-01 (Minutes, 2004 Part I, pp. 64–66) Recommendation 7, which reads

“7. Refers to Mission Responsibility Through Investment Committee (MRTI) with instructions to initiate a process of phased selective divestment in multinational corporations operating in Israel, in accordance to General Assembly policy on social investing, and to make appropriate recommendations to the General Assembly Council for action.”

with the following:

“7. To urge that financial investments of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), as they pertain to Israel, Gaza, East Jerusalem, and the West Bank, be invested in only peaceful pursuits, and affirm that the customary corporate engagement process of the Committee on Mission Responsibility Through Investments of our denomination is the proper vehicle for achieving this goal.”

2. Direct Mission Responsibility Through Investment (MRTI) to ensure that its strategies for engaging corporations with regard to Israeli and Palestinian territories

a. Reflect the application of fundamental principles of justice and peace common to Christianity, Islam, and Judaism that are appropriate to the practical realities of Israeli and Palestinian societies.

b. Reflect commitment to positive outcomes.

c. Reflect awareness of potential impact upon the stability, future viability, and prosperity of both the Israeli and Palestinian economies.

d. Identify affirmative investment opportunities as they pertain to Israel, Gaza, East Jerusalem, and the West Bank.

3. We call upon the church:

a. To work through peaceful means with American and Israeli Jewish, American and Palestinian Muslim, and Palestinian Christian communities and their affiliated organizations for an end to all violence and terror against Palestinian and Israeli civilians.

b. To work through peaceful means with American and Israeli Jewish, American and Palestinian Muslim, and Palestinian Christian communities and their affiliated organizations to end the occupation.

c. To work through peaceful means with American and Israeli Jewish, American and Palestinian Muslim, and Palestinian Christian communities and their affiliated organizations towards the creation of a socially, economically, geographically, and politically viable and secure Palestinian state, alongside an equally viable and secure Israeli state, both of which have a right to exist.

d. To encourage and celebrate efforts by individual Presbyterians, congregations, and judicatories of our church to communicate directly and regularly with Jewish, Christian, and Muslim communities, sponsor programs likely to improve relations among Christians, Jews, and Muslims, and engage in peacemaking in the Middle East.

4. The 217th General Assembly (2006) does not believe that the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) should tell a sovereign nation whether it can protect its borders or handle matters of national defense. The problem with the security wall, in 2004 and presently, is its location. The 217th General Assembly (2006) supports fair criticism of the security wall insofar as it illegally encroaches into the Palestinian territory and fails to follow the legally recognized borders of Israel since 1967 demarcated by the Green Line. To the extent that the security barrier violates Palestinian land that was not part of Israel prior to the 1967 war, the barrier should be dismantled and relocated.

5. Recognizing that the situation on the ground in the Israel-Palestine area is rapidly changing, the General Assembly Council (GAC) is directed to carefully monitor ongoing developments of the situation in the Middle East and to examine the polices of the PC(USA) related to the Middle East, in order to make a comprehensive report to the 218th General Assembly (2008).

6. Instructs the Stated Clerk to communicate Recommendations 1. through 5. above to the United States’ president, vice president, secretary of state, and members of Congress; to Israeli and Palestinian leaders in the Middle East; to the membership of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.); to leadership of Christian, Jewish, and Muslim faith bodies and denominations in the United States and the Middle East with whom we are in communication.

Comment: The Assembly received twenty-six overtures pertaining to the Middle East. The recommendation is the result of the General Assembly’s honest and sincere effort to address the issues and concerns that appeared in the overtures in a comprehensive and concise document.

Life, death, laughter, tears, hope, fear...computers?

The past week has been a real rollercoaster ride of emotion and experience. The most frustrating part, by far, has been the computer training that the summer interns are undergoing. There will be more tomorrow; I can hardly wait:( Tomorrow I will also be on call-- so my workday will stretch from 8:00 Wednesday to 8:00 Thursday. I am praying for the strength and energy to be an effective pastoral presence (if I am called in.)

I may have said it before, but here it is again... There are so many family dynamics at work in any situation I may walk into. There is no way to "prepare" but rooms must be walked into with the faith that you are prepared.

The funny thing is that the simple presence of a "chaplain" changes the feel of a room, hallway, or nurse's station. "Chaplain" seems to be a magic word. I find it amazing how many times I have heard the following: "Thank God, the chaplain is here." "We need to call the chaplain." "The chaplain is here for the family..."

I just got a page...I am not on call but my thoughts are with my fellow intern as he answers this call. A prayer for chaplains on call...

Holy, Holy, Holy,
Lord God almighty
be with your servant
and lend your spirit
to touch the hearts of those in trouble.
For being in your presence
heals all.
Holy, Holy, Holy,
Lord God almighty
Father, Son and Spirit
Please, please, please...
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I had a great day

Today I was pampered with breakfast migas from Trudy's, Smartwool Socks, a new tie, church with the family, a new pair of Chacos, too much barbeque at the County Line, a new T-shirt (pictured), a monkey finger puppet from Toy Joy, and a 3 hour nap. The best part was definately hanging out with the family.

A Zen Story

One day while walking through the jungle a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice. As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine. Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. How sweet it was!

History by committee, doctrine by interpretation

Πιστεύομεν εἰς ἕνα Θεόν, Πατέρα, Παντοκράτορα, ποιητὴν οὐρανοῦ καὶ γῆς, ὁρατῶν τε πάντων καὶ ἀοράτων.

Καὶ εἰς ἕνα Κύριον Ἰησοῦν Χριστόν, τὸν Υἱὸν τοῦ Θεοῦ τὸν μονογενῆ, τὸν ἐκ τοῦ Πατρὸς γεννηθέντα πρὸ πάντων τῶν αἰώνων·
φῶς ἐκ φωτός, Θεὸν ἀληθινὸν ἐκ Θεοῦ ἀληθινοῦ, γεννηθέντα οὐ ποιηθέντα, ὁμοούσιον τῷ Πατρί, δι' οὗ τὰ πάντα ἐγένετο.
Τoν δι' ἡμᾶς τοὺς ἀνθρώπους καὶ διὰ τὴν ἡμετέραν σωτηρίαν κατελθόντα ἐκ τῶν οὐρανῶν καὶ σαρκωθέντα
ἐκ Πνεύματος Ἁγίου καὶ Μαρίας τῆς Παρθένου καὶ ἐνανθρωπήσαντα.
Σταυρωθέντα τε ὑπὲρ ἡμῶν ἐπὶ Ποντίου Πιλάτου, καὶ παθόντα καὶ ταφέντα.
Καὶ ἀναστάντα τῇ τρίτῃ ἡμέρα κατὰ τὰς Γραφάς.
Καὶ ἀνελθόντα εἰς τοὺς οὐρανοὺς καὶ καθεζόμενον ἐκ δεξιῶν τοῦ Πατρός.
Καὶ πάλιν ἐρχόμενον μετὰ δόξης κρῖναι ζῶντας καὶ νεκρούς, οὗ τῆς βασιλείας οὐκ ἔσται τέλος.

Καὶ εἰς τὸ Πνεῦμα τὸ Ἅγιον, τὸ κύριον, τὸ ζωοποιόν,
τὸ ἐκ τοῦ Πατρὸς ἐκπορευόμενον,
τὸ σὺν Πατρὶ καὶ Υἱῷ συμπροσκυνούμενον καὶ συνδοξαζόμενον,
τὸ λαλῆσαν διὰ τῶν προφητῶν.
Εἰς μίαν, Ἁγίαν, Καθολικὴν καὶ Ἀποστολικὴν Ἐκκλησίαν.
Ὁμολογῶ ἓν βάπτισμα εἰς ἄφεσιν ἁμαρτιῶν.
Προσδοκῶ ἀνάστασιν νεκρῶν.
Καὶ ζωὴν τοῦ μέλλοντος αἰῶνος.
Ἀμήν.

I survived my first night on call

I did not, however, get much sleep. I took five calls throughout the night. I am called in when there is a code blue or a major catastrophy. No major catastrophys last night. Now I am going back in for a couple of hours. Four o'clock can not come soon enough.

Lucid Dreams

If God is just dreaming all of this stuff (creation, existence, the cosmos, you, me, etc.), does it make it any less real? Have you ever had a dream within a dream? What's up with that? How many levels of reality can there be?

Last night I had one of those "preaching nightmare" dreams where I was supposed to preach on a specific text-- only I had no notes, clue of what was normal practice at this very unusual church, nor did I have the ability to focus on the task at hand. All I had was the citation of scripture to be used: Matthew 4:5 and following. Upon waking, I looked it up...

Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple,
saying to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, 'He will command his angels concerning you,' and 'On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.'"
Jesus said to him, "Again it is written, 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor;
and he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me."
Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! for it is written, 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.'"
Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.

...very sober start to this morning. Just what I needed before doing the chaplain thing on my own-- there are so many opportunities to run, to be there but not really be present. The challenge is to remain true to who you are-- to not sell out.

Gregarious

Today the chaplain interns and the chaplain residents went on a "retreat" to the house on the hill. We ate well. There was a great view. I don't feel like something is really a retreat unless at least half the time is unstructured. That being said, it was really just more work.

On the way out there, I passed this flock of pink flamingos that were standing perfectly still on the side of the road. They reminded me of the many ways we define an organism--a flock being a multi-bodied organism, much like a church. It is both a single body and a multi-body entity.

That is kind of how chaplain services seem to work in the Seton Family of Hospitals. Get a bunch of chaplains into a room and it is hard to know how the spirit will move you-- this can be both good and bad.

Mountains come in many disguises

When I was fourteen I spent two weeks in the backcountry of northern New Mexico hiking over rocky paths, carrying an overstuffed pack with my portion of the crew’s food and supplies. I had seen mountains before but I had never “lived” with mountains before. They quickly became our silent companions. In the evenings, we would seek the valleys between these sleeping giants to make our camp. Warmly bundled in our cocoons we would sleep the solid and refreshing sleep that is the reward for a day’s hard labor. In the morning, we would awake eager to experience what the day would bring. The pinnacle of that experience for me was always about spending time at the summit. The goal was clear—when we could go no higher, we could not only look back over the paths we had traversed but also look forward to the path ahead.

The mountain top is a unique experience. All of the worldly things we carry with us through life seem to loose their value in the upper elevations. Books, credit cards, cell phones, internet connections—these all seem utterly ridiculous at the zenith. I do recall, however, thinking seriously about how I had been behaving toward my crew, especially as I peered over a precipice. There is certainly a sense of vulnerability there on the mountain, an exposure no tent can dismiss. There in the open, we are vulnerable, but it is more to the things from above than from the things from below.

In Luke we read about the transfiguration of Jesus, taking place on a mountain top. Peter, John and James accompany Jesus in this journey intended to be a type of prayer retreat. There, next to the rocky brink, Moses and Elijah suddenly appear. They just kind of drop in to talk to Jesus! The official “Law” and “Prophet” figures meet with Jesus to discuss the way ahead. Peter offers to set up three shelters but doesn’t realize the hierarchical problems this may create. The clouds roll in. A voice booms “This is my Son, my chosen; listen to him.” God has made the way clear—Jesus is the only one left to follow off the mountain. He appears to have changed, but hopefully, so have we.

Lord, we pray for your guidance,

we pray for your presence,

and we pray for your peace. Amen.